Tony: Hi, everyone!
Tony has a best friend named Riff.
Riff: Hey, buddy!
Tony: Hiya, Riff.
Riff has a favor to ask of Tony.
Riff: Listen, buddy, we've got a problem. It rhymes with Shmuerto Picans and we need ya real bad. So come help me cream their asses at the dance tonight.
Tony: I wonder if this sign is straight. I just painted it yesterday, Riff, don't you like it? I think I could be an artist.
Riff: You're not even listening, are you?
But Tony's got other things on his mind.
Tony: No, no, I'm totally listening! It's just—look, Riff, I'm kinda busy working for this sweet old man and all. He gives me free Coke from the cellar, see?
Riff: Nice. Hook me up?
Tony: Not that kind of coke.
Riff doesn't understand.
Riff: But Tony, the Jets really need you!
Tony: Oh, right. That gang that's graffittied its name right above your head?
Riff: I'm pretty sure that was you, buddy. I mean, your name's right underneath it.
Tony: Ah. Well, I've moved on. And I think you should, too.
Riff: Yeah? How?
Tony has a suggestion for Riff.
Tony: Work for a living, fool!
Riff: But I like mooching off your mother. Who totally macks on me. I'm just saying.
Tony is not impressed.
Tony: LET ME HEAR YOU SAY UNCLE!
Both Riff and Tony are blissfully unaware of what this scene looks like. Or maybe not.
Tony decides to have some soda.
Tony: I wonder how many bubbles are in this here bottle of soda pop.
Riff: Did you get that from the Tootsie Pop commercial?
Tony: No. That's how many licks to a Tootsie Pop. Totally different.
Riff: Right. Anyway, I gots to jet. Haha. Ha.
Tony: Cute, Riff.
Riff: See ya at 10:00, don't be late!
Riff: Womb to tomb, buddy!
Tony: Sigh. Birth to earth. No one's going to die from this, right?
Riff: Who knows?
Tony: Very reassuring.
Tony tries to get back to work, and fails.
Tony: Hmm. He's right. Who knows?
So he exercises his lip-syncing abilities instead.
Jim Bryant: Could beeeeeee! Who knoooooows? There's something due, any day, I will know, right away, soon as it shooooooows!
It must be said that Jim Bryant is awesome. These lyrics are tongue-twisters.
Jim Bryant: It may come cannonballin' down through the sky, gleam in its eye, bright as a roooooose!
Ultimately, undaunted by Shakespearean precedent and lack of vocal range, young Tony decides to crash the dance and go for that B natural, after all.
Tony: Maybe toniiiiiiiiight!
To be continued.
Fun facts: Tony is Prince Charming and Riff is Captain Kirk, since there is a very faint resemblance to Russ Tamblyn. He's in his rumble outfit for now. -.-; Also, I had a lot of fun graffittiing the wall. Hope you enjoyed! :)